Do you ever hate your husband? Is it just PMS?

I have been having some difficulties lately...My husband brought me flowers, made a couple good breakfasts, and entertained the kids in a manner that freed me up some.  Perhaps it was the feeling of obligation I had to fold laundry, iron placemats, and sweep and swiffer the floor while they were gone that created feelings of hatred.  Perhaps it was the menstrual period that never came, and so it never 'went'.  I am unsure.  I know marriage is cyclical, that there are ups n downs, highs n lows, but the lows have always made me stop and take pause (at least in my brain).  Never the 'highs' because marriage is supposed to have those.  This particular time he was home, at least while the children were awake, felt particularly grating and unloving.  And he agreed, he felt the same about whatever was going on.  The odd thing was, during this brief conversation, I told him (and this must be thanks to assorted Landmark programs)  I feel like our marriage is a good one, strong, able to last.  Maybe because we both know the feelings come and go, and so we can give each other that space, and eventually a good spell comes around and the cycle continues. 
  Sometimes, and I think this is a man thing, the things they say are just totally out there, and, really, just stupid, quite frankly.  I couldn't come up with a more constructive, descriptive way of putting it.  I wonder, do lesbians deal with this?  For example is it simply one partners perspective versus the others partners perspective?  Or is it a man thing, only effecting the man/woman relationships...And by the way, it could effect friendly relationships as well.  Recently I haven't spent much time around people of the opposite sex; but when I talk to other women, who have married men, I hear similar complaints.  These feelings of deep seated anger 'If it weren't for the two small sleeping bodies in their bedrooms'...'so would have walked out the door'.  Right?!  Don't we all feel like that sometimes?  But being able to hang in there...That is what marriage is all about.  Knowing that everything is cyclical, and that all those fairy tales were just that: make believe.  And we can all play make believe sometimes, but eventually you have to just grow up!  Until next time, AIM4Peas   

Its been awhile....

And the thing of it is, all my ideas that I get during the day to blog about are gone by the time I sit down to write...So I think I will start carrying a pocket size notebook to jot my ideas in...I realize that at this point in the life of my blog few, if any, people are reading this, but still it seems like a wise thing to do.  Through out the day things strike me...But they are usually gone by now.  As my husband has been working out of the home for a few weeks, the conversation comes up over and over about a having a third child.  When we decided that our third would need a buddy (meaning we'd have a fourth, because the first 2 are so tight) we suddenly came to the conclusion that we could either have 4 kiddo's and (perhaps) struggle, relatively speaking.  Or we could provide a good life for our existing 2, and hopefully not have to 'nit pick' each other to death over every cup of coffee or 'fill-up' to get to the cottage.  We don't want to have backed my husband into a corner career-wise; although it seems that may slowly be the reality of marrying a special ed. teacher who longs to educate students as they need and not as the taxes permit.
So today at the library I desperately wanted to talk to a mum who is having child number 4...I wanted to ask all the rude and impolite questions you can only ask of your close friends who will love and forgive you anyways...Questions such as...How do you budget your expenses?  Do you use coupons? How on earth are you home with your children during the day, and living off your husbands salary/wage?  I realize that there are a variety of ways people approach their lives, but I am just curious because I am sure there are considerations we haven't thought of.  I don't want to be like my husbands good friend, who now looks at his 2 (or was it 4, or maybe 3) adult daughters, and wonders now why they stopped having kids when they did, y'know?! Until next time...AIM4Peas

So if obesity is an issue...

After many, many, many trips to various stores, both local and national, we have finally resigned ourselves to having to patch one very old air tube sled.  This is not such a big deal...It gives us a chance to save up for the sleds we really want!  But, it is interesting that in a nation so torn by the obesity epidemic, that stores in New England have sold out of sleds, minus a few of the type that seem to be unwanted remnants.  It is almost the end of January; does anyone remember the snow we got at the end of April a few years back?
  Yeah, I am a bit baffled by this lack of production myself.  The only thing I can think of is that video games cost more, so if you can't get out and enjoy yourself in a healthy, active manner then you might as well stay home and give your fine motor skills workout. 
  Which, come one on mums and dads, we are all gettting the same messages about media over exposure...
                       http://www.childrennow.org/index.php/learn/medias_impact/

Take your pick from any line in the brief introduction to this site, and check out their articles on the site if you need evidence of that which I am speaking.  It is  no longer as simple as limiting TV time; it means limiting cell phone and computer use too.  My personal preference is to keep the computer as an educational and research tool; they'll have plenty of time to learn about the other options computers provide.  And don't they get that recreational technology time at school, in study hall or at a friends home?  Gives me chills just thinking about it!  Our children will have those cell phones that can only get calls from certain numbers, and can only make calls to certain numbers.  If you so choose, all of these make great reinforcers, but it can be a difficult transition to make when everyone in the house is used to it being an open media zone.  Best to start young..one way is to limit their TV time right now.  Let them see you using your cell phone where it's appropriate.  
  For current parents, it is trying to avoid the constant inundation of outside influence on who you want your developing child to become.  And this does mean leading by example as well...There is nothing like a child to call your integrity into perspective.  While I really want to check my email during lunch, thereby limiting conversations with my girls as they eat, I want them to learn that meal times are a  time for sharing information, checking in, and talking about what has happened, and what will happen.  Trust me, if my husband thought he could get away with playing World of Warcraft in our house, he would.  But he understands that it sends a message to the girls we don't want them getting at this age. 
  While I often find myself on the opposing team to my husband, mother, mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, (take your pick)  with a little explanation my husband will generally come around.  Note the absence of the word 'happily' in my previous line.  When that doesn't work, if I find articles, or brief reading materials supporting my ideas that can also help him (and my mum, somtimes too, but that is a whole other blog).  And sometimes I just have to compromise!!
  As always, and with everyone in my life, I'm...AIMing4Peas 

How I came to the title....

 So it is probably long overdue that I really explain myself as to the title of this blog.  First off, 'Adventures In Babysitting' (while not a movie I was allowed to watch) was popular when I was growing up.  As someone who did ALOT of babysitting, I thought it pretty much was a briefing in parenthood.  Never once did the emotional ties, or the parents connections to their kids, occur to me.  And I really loved some of my charges...But nothing can, and nobody tries, to prepare you for the heart and soul change that becoming a parent will incur on your being.  Your sense of safety and security go right out the window, as you realize slowly that you no longer have to worry about only controlling your world, but also that of a precious little being wrapped in your carrier (that I used incorrectly until I got my Ergobaby=).  Granted they aren't little for long, but my concernes didn't shrink because the baby got bigger.  In fact, just the opposite...When I no longer had to concern myself with whether or not they were 'getting enough' while nursing, I started checking off my mental list of major milestones. 
 Shortly thereafter I started to worry about how I would afford private schools and college; realizing shortly thereafter that private schools had bullies and Mean Girls too...Which brought me to the option of a homeschool co-op, perhaps they would let me adapt and expand their lessons in exchange for my daughters attending their group?  One girlfriend quickly pointed out to me that it would be awfully hard to come to an agreement with other parents of what should be learned and how. Argh...
  But really, after my second child (and a conversation with my aunt), I realized that what really happens, is your inner compass readjusts to the constant state of change that your mind, body and heart go through as a mum.   Which is why no amount of babysitting, and maybe some degree of nannying may get you closer, but won't ever fully prepare you, for the adventure that is motherhood.
Until next time...AIM4Peas

If you must whisper in a large group, then maybe you should save it for later?!

So I spent the afternoon cooking for my husbands 38th birthday dinner.  The menu was eggplant parmigian, with 'homemade' sauce, and spinach and cheese arroncini, which are arborio rice balls mixed with spinach and mozzarella cheese, then covered in breadcrumbs and fried.  Let me tell you that after the cooking and cleaning, my feet hurt...But as I replay the nights events, I am struck by 2 situations that stick out. 
  Hushed voices of my aunt and mum, while sitting with my daughter.  If you need to lower your voice, then you probably shouldn't be saying it around children...Shortly thereafter I actually have to convince my mother that my youngest had the snack first (because she asked me for it and I gave it to her), despite her endless defense of my eldest.  This drives me bonkers, and that is an understatement!  She does it to my husband as well...His grace in handling it may or may not be described as 'grace', but this is a recurring behavior pattern for her.  Short of telling her to 'shut-up' as soon as she starts, I am coming to my witts end!
  My children take time outs for speaking to adults inappropriately; meanwhile the adults they are copying feel it is their responsibility to absolve my children of their wrong doings.  Because in actuality my girls were simply imitating what they just saw; in some cases they were following instructions 'No, throw it like this!  See!!' is a phrase often heard when large groups visit. 
  Now, my husband has said in the past, that if we can raise kids that turn out like myself, or my brother and sister, (which is the worst that could happen letting my mother get her nose in too far) then we are doing quite well...Thanks hon, love you too=)  BUT really, we are the parents, we're sick of explaining.  When is enough enough?  We are always, and maybe soon will be closer to, AIM-ing4Peas

Thanks Goodness for Hoarding shows

I am totally serious...These are the programs that keep me going through the piles that acccumulate on various surfaces of my home.  It keeps me checking dates of cans and dried goods, as well as checking and rechecking the perishables.  When my bathroom starts looking a little unwell, I will straighten it right up. 
  A few good friends have given me a few good tips; and I realized that there are a few things I could do that would have big impacts.  That huge bottle of Germ-X works wonders on my faucets and countertops.  I have yet to figure out how to get all the spots off my glasstop stove, but there was a McCalls book from years ago that said rubbing alcohol would work wonders when cleaning, and it SO does! 
  Also I realized that I spent more time considering doing things, like putting the dishes away, then it actually took me to do it.  This was a point my mother oft tried to point out to me, but I learn things better when I am left to discover them on my own.  My husband hasn't learned this yet, but neither has my mother, so why should I be surprised?!  I think the largest problem my husband and I have is his insistence that I am not listening to him.  When I finally tuned into what he was saying, I agreed.  But I do have to say this...There are very few people who can take something they hear and then put it into practice.  In fact, even pairing this with a visual example still hits relatively few people.  But, whatever, we always expect the most from our spouses I suppose. 
  I am so tired, to all a goodnight...Until next time AIM4Peas

How is THAT possible?

I don't understand why there are folks in this world who can do their job at 50%, and keep it, and get promotions and continue to earn their paycheck; at the same time screwing unsuspecting hardworking families with a simple slip of mind?!  Who does that?! 
  I am sick of this sacrifice my husband makes for our family, still we are scraping by b/c someone somewhere forgot to file a form.  If that had happened to me,  I would have lost my job!!
  Alright, I digress, b/c I know that at this current time, we are fortunate for him to be working, even if it means stretching the buck even further.
  Today, on a particularly long ride, Elena asked me for clean pants b/c hers were wet.  She said some milk had spillled, and she'd like dry pants.  Glancing quickly into the mid-section of our Dodge van, I see nothing too alarming and so continue driving.  Occasionally checking the smaller mirror attached to the rearview, I realize she is squeezing her sippy cup, and rubbing the soap (explanation later) onto it as well.
I too made the vow of 'No milk' in the car, to avoid the stench.  However, they both had been doing so well with telling me they were done, I started to feel like I could I give in a bit.  That is always a red-flag feeling, you would think I know that by now!!  So I pull over, clean-up the minimal mess, but tell her we aren't changing her pants until we have reached our destination.  That is the only natural consequence I can come up with right now.  And oddly enough I hear the DCF alarm bells ringing in my head that this is inhumane, blah blah blah.   Those bells ring when I have to pee at the gas station, and leave them in the car.  Or when they are sleeping in the car and I need to run into to convenience store for milk.  When I have to drop/pick up Elena at preschool, I am not not the only mum, with a sleeping child on my shoulder...Maybe we should all ban together and one of us will watch the sleeping kids in the cars, and the other mums can go get their kids and check in with the teachers.  And we'll rotate this duty, so that we can get through the process in a more efficient manner. 
 Efficiency and productivity are 2 words that should be zapped from our brains during the birthing process....My reality would certainly be more in line with my mental state.  I spent 20-30 minutes looking for my car keys the other day, after my kids were in their seats...After a few prayers to St. Anthony (and numerous retracing my steps in my brain)  I realized I threw in the shopping bag, that I tied and threw in the back...Until next time, and always...AIM4 Peace